For over ten years, I've had some semblance of direction, stewarding the ship of my life towards achieving financial security. Not knowing where this might manifest, I followed every lead I could, searching for a paycheck like a drug dog sniffs luggage. Good work, capitalism.

Thirteen years of work and plenty of good luck have helped fill my coffers—food is on the table, rent is covered, and my future contains a decent degree of financial certainty. I'm extraordinarily grateful for this, as my circumstances have allowed me to take a break from my career as a freelance web developer while I pursue different passions.

Transitioning from the career I've had for over a decade has been disorienting, as I've found myself with a paradoxical sense of uncertainty in my newfound certainty.

My uncertainty reminds me of Chuck Noland, the protagonist played by Tom Hanks in the 2000 film Cast Away. In the movie, Noland becomes stranded on an island for four years following a plane crash. He maintains some degree of sanity by remembering his girlfriend, befriending a volleyball, and safeguarding a washed-up package he refuses to open. Upon his rescue, Noland learns that the world has moved on without him, assuming his death following the crash. His girlfriend is married and has a child, he no longer has his volleyball, and he delivers the safeguarded package to its intended recipient. [1]

Stripped of what made life meaningful before and after the crash, Noland reaches a crossroads—unsure where to go and what to do.

With the driving force behind many actions in my life obviated, Noland's predicament resonates.

Having boundless enthusiasm and interests makes this transition easier. I'm grateful that I have so many areas where I enjoy spending time. Still, I struggle to avoid a state of ennui, lost on the stranded island of my brain as the motivations fueling my actions fade in and out of view.

What propels me towards action?
Towards what end am I taking action, if any?
Do my actions need an "end"?

All I can do is continue charting my path forward. I will use this time to explore different facets of my being, spend time with people I love, and continue learning and growing.

I'm excited to see where life takes me.


  1. For a quick overview of Cast Away and the ending, I recommend watching this. ↩︎